Unexcused Absences

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We are in Prague this week, enjoying the Baroque architecture, the cuisine heavy on root veggies (my favorite), and Kent is enjoying Czech beer. Here, I recount several faux pas from the past few weeks in France.

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Pig Roasting Human

Although there are many small (and often delightful) differences between France and the US, sometimes just when I think I have things figured out I’m surprised to suddenly find myself doin’-it-wrong.

When I arrived back in May, I went to the grocery store to stock up on household items. It turns out that it was remarkably difficult for me to purchase hair conditioner. I easily purchased a bottle of shampoo, called shampooing. I grabbed the matching bottle without really studying it, ending up with some shower gel called gel douche. Faux pas #1.

The next day I went back to the store and spent a great deal of time studying the toiletries and came home with creme de douche only to discover I had purchased — more shower gel.  Faux pas #2. On my third attempt, I went to a huge supermarket on the outskirts of town that had an enormous aisle of beauty products. I read labels, I pondered, I opened containers. This time I purchased a bottle called, of all things, après shampooing. Success!

Among other things which are different are sheet sets. A French sheet set consists of two bottom sheets, complete with elastic. They don’t use top sheets much, preferring duvets with washable covers. Although I thought I had purchased two sets of sheets, I didn’t carefully read and study the packages and that’s how I ended up with four bottom sheets and no top sheets for the guest cabin. Faux pas #3.

I also deliberately commit certain faux pas regularly. I eat food in the street, usually the warm, crunchy heel of a newly-purchased baguette. I eat cheese before dinner, whereas the French usually eat cheese after dinner (I do that, too). My lunch hours are not rigorously observed. Kent and I will actually eat sandwiches while the boat is moving. The French always stop whatever they are doing and sit down for a proper lunch. We get very quizzical looks from locals as we cruise by, eating our lunch, then their expressions change once they realize where we’re from. We can almost see the little thought bubble over their heads – “Mon dieu, what are zeese cretins doing not stopping for a proper lunch? Oh, zey are Americans…”

And even though the rest of the world thinks Americans are doin’-it-wrong, I love a huge travel mug filled with tea or coffee in the morning. You can fit at least five cups of English tea or French coffee in my stainless steel, insulated mug. Europeans never walk with coffee, they sit down at a cafe with their little tiny cups. Folks eye my travel mug warily when I stroll into the bakery in the morning with a cup bigger than a can of beer. But then, I’m the one warily eyeing their work-day, lunch-time wine!

So far, I haven’t made any huge, embarrassing social faux pas (knock on wood). I did make a pretty big language usage mistake last spring in Aix-en-Provence. When checking into a hotel late one night, I asked the night clerk for what I thought was a hair dryer, chaufage pour les cheveux. The clerk burst out laughing saying (in French), “I’m going to write that one down.” I had asked for a hair heater, or a hair furnace! The correct phrase is sèche–cheveux.

The great thing is that I learn from my mistakes, learning about a new culture or learning new words. Oh, and I also have a bunch of great-smelling shower gel!